Gayle Trice: A Strong Woman Worth Knowing

The Roman Emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius once said in his Meditations that when we die we lose only the present moment, for the past has ceased to be and the future has not yet to come; so to comfort ourselves we have only to look around and ask whether the present moment is really worth keeping. To this idea I would contest, as the notion of “death” itself can be shown to invoke a much more complex mosaic of responses for an individual than merely reflecting on the present moment in which we experience death, whether it is our own death, or the death of another.

What his words do provoke however is the idea that it is necessary to gain an understanding for precisely how we as humans, consistently bombarded by the idea of death, should react. We can think of circumstances in which many individuals die but are individuals which we don’t have a formal acquaintance with, such as in war. But a situation in which we are continually affected, and affected to the greatest extent personally, is when a friend, a loved one or a family member close to us passes away. It is these things which I intend to address here, as my grandmother certainly represented all of those things to me — friend, loved one, and family member.

Growing up, my grandmother became a strong female figure in my mind. Having never met my grandfather, I chose to look up to her early on in my life. I spent long days with her as a child, and her impression quickly grew in me, although I don’t think she was aware of it. As I grew older and she moved away, time and distance didn’t allow us to know each other as well as I think we both would have liked, but there were certain qualities she had that always reverberated within me about her. So much in fact that I think they have shaped a part of who I am; they shape who I strive to be to this day. Thus in reflecting on her death, I choose to make this a moment in which I must give my sincere appreciation for those qualities in her which have had the most impact on me:

I admire the steadfast persistence she conveyed in all things she deemed important in life. For instance, she placed extraordinary value in expressing clearly to others what for her had deepest meaning—she was a public woman— articulate and confident in all matters. Everything she held dear: her love for her husband, her children, her music, for God, was known by all that knew her. When she met with resistance to her values, her strong-will allowed her the persistence to carry on no matter the consequences; she always pressed forward whether one agreed with her or not, and all because she believed in herself and for standing consistently behind what she knew was right.

I admire the confidence with which she carried herself when putting into practice her enormous talent for music. This served as not only encouragement for my own personal musical development early on in life, but also for discovering those different areas which I would choose to follow in place of music later in life. In putting her talents into practice, she thus not only edified herself, but gave an example to those around her that she valued knowing herself, her potential, and once discovered, these things should never go un-pursued. Once she mastered her skill, it gave her something she could freely share with others. Her rigorous pursuance of her talents set a standard that wasn’t easy for others to emulate, but in turn her example challenged others to do the same for themselves.

I admire the compassion she relentlessly showed to others by her actions. Some might say she didn’t have much to give, since her material wealth was not substantial. But she never hesitated to give what she did have; and it is not unobvious that material wealth should be no arbiter of one’s degree of compassion. She showed zero hesitation for giving what was possible for her in circumstances which she thought necessary to ameliorate. Simply put, her heart bled for sustaining the well-being of others. In this way, she was selfless. In this way, she also had to know herself. By understanding and knowing her own experiences, this led her to care enough to take great strides in helping others in all ways within her means.

I want to finish with a final quote which I do agree with, and to which I think my grandmother would also agree. It is the place where Aurelius says, “It is not death itself one should fear, but one should fear never beginning to live. Thus, when you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” Surely that is a mentality my grandmother would have wanted us to have, and a state of living in which we should remember her by. She cherished the life she had very much, and she wasn’t afraid to live.

I also don’t think she would be happy for us to perpetually grieve in sadness, but would instead be comforted to know that we choose from this moment on to recognize and hold with us the qualities about her that affected us the most; as with her influence instilled in us, there is virtually no limit to the presence she can have in our lives. In our hearts, she is immortal. In this way I choose continue to remember her, to love her, and to know her.